"Hi, I'm Ironman." (e_finch) wrote in capslock_comic,
"Hi, I'm Ironman."
e_finch
capslock_comic

STAR TREK +COMICS?

YES. THEY ACTUALLY MIX. IN MY BRAIN AT LEAST. MADE FOR THE OTHER CO-OWNER OF THIS COMM! READ DAMNIT!

IT WAS A NICE DAY IN SPACE…WELL….NIGHT…ER….AFTERNOON. OH, IT DIDN’T MATTER. SPACE WAS SPACE.

KIRK ROLLED HIS EYES AT HIS OWN THOUGHT PROCESS, FOCUSING ONCE MORE ON THE VAST EMPTINESS OF SPACE THAT HE WATCHED BEFORE HIM. BEING THE CAPTAIN OF ONE OF THE BIGGEST STARFLEET SHIPS WAS ONCE SOMETHING TO GET EXCITED ABOUT, BUT THAT, KIRK SOON REALIZED, WAS NORMALLY ONLY WHEN SOME STRANGE ALIEN RACE FROM THE FUTURE OR SOME OTHER DIMENSION WAS ATTACKING THEM. OTHER THAN THAT, KIRK JUST SAT IN HIS LITTLE CHAIR, WATCHING SPACE STAND STILL BEFORE HIM AS HE TRIED TO THINK OF SOME SORT OF STUPID COMMAND HE COULD GIVE TO SPOCK, JUST TO SEE HOW MANY HE COULD ACTUALLY GIVE BEFORE THE HALF-VULCAN STOPPED HIM.

THE YOUNG CAPTAIN SIGHED, SLUMPING DOWN IN HIS CHAIR AND POUTED. HE LOOKED AROUND AT HIS CREW. EVERYONE SEEMED ENTERTAINED WITH WHATEVER THEY WERE DOING IN THEIR OWN LITTLE CORNERS. HIS EYES NARROWED AT CHEKOV. FOR A FEW WEEKS NOW HE SUSPECTED THE LITTLE RUSSIAN TO HAVE DOWNLOADED SOME SORT OF GAME INTO THE COMPUTERS, SOMETHING ONLY HE COULD FIND, THAT WAS FROM ABOUT THREE HUNDRED YEARS AGO. HE BELIEVED IT WAS CALLED ‘TETRIS’ AND WAS RATHER PISSED OFF THAT THE LITTLE PRODIGY WAS HORDING IT ALL FOR HIMSELF. BASTARD.

HE PULLED HIS ATTENTION AWAY FROM CHEKOV, SCANNING THE ROOM ONCE MORE BEFORE LAZILY TURNING TO SPOCK STANDING BEHIND HIM. “LET’S DO SOME WARP SPEED…” HE SAID, PUTTING HIS HANDS BEHIND HIS HEAD.

SPOCK’S EYEBROW QUIRKED UP SLIGHTLY. “AND MIGHT I INTRUDE, CAPTAIN, TO ASK WHY, EXACTLY?”

“I DON’T KNOW. THIS PART OF SPACE IS BORING. LET’S JUMP TO ANOTHER PART AND SEE WHAT’S UP.”

SPOCK TOOK IN A STEADY BREATH. “I DON’T SEE ANY POINT TO—“

KIRK GRINNED. “SPOCK, I’M CAPTAIN.” HE TAPPED THE CREST OF HIS YELLOW SHIRT. “DO IT. NOW.”

SPOCK COULD ONLY SIGH, NODDING HIS OWN NOT-SO-APPROVAL TO THE OTHER CREW MEMBERS.

SOON ENOUGH, TO KIRK’S PLEASURE, THE ENTERPRISE WAS SOON IN WARP SPEED CRUISING AROUND THE COSMOS. KIRK ALMOST WISHED HE COULD PUT ON SOME LAST CENTURY JAMS TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD. A QUICK GLANCE AT SPOCK TOLD HIM HE PROBABLY SHOULDN’T PUSH IT RIGHT NOW.

WHEN SPACE BECAME CLEAR AGAIN, AND THE SHIP TRAVELED AT A NORMAL SPEED, THE CREW ONLY HAD A MINUTE TO ENJOY THIS NEW SPACE VIEW (WHICH WAS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME AS THE LAST, EXCEPT WITH A BRIGHTER STAR TO THE LEFT) BEFORE THE ENTIRE SHIP JOLTED TO THE RIGHT HARD, THROWING KIRK AND SPOCK TO THE GROUND AND ALL THE ELECTRICALS ON THE SHIP FREAKED OUT, ENERGY SURGING UP, EXPLODING A COMPUTER OR TWO. IT ONLY LASTED FOR A FEW SECONDS, BUT IT STILL STUNNED EVERYONE.

ONCE IT APPEARED EVERYTHING WAS CALM AGAIN, KIRK SLOWLY ROSE TO HIS FEET.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?”

CHEKOV WAS ALREADY ON IT, PUSHING BUTTONS AND TAPPING AWAY. “IT APPEARS SOME SORT OF ENERGY SURGE OCCURRED FROM AN UNKNOWN SOURCE AND—“

“SIR, INCOMING TRANSMISSION FROM AN UNKNOWN SHIP.”

“WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS UNKNOWN SHIT ALL OF A SUDDEN?” KIRK GROANED, SITTING BACK DOWN IN HIS CHAIR. “TWO SECONDS AGO I COULDN’T…WHATEVER, JUST PUT IT ON SCREEN.”

JUST THEN, MCCOY CAME INTO THE ROOM, MEDICAL BAG IN HAND, AS USUAL. “IS EVERYONE—“

THE TRANSMISSION CAME UP ON THE SCREEN.

“—SON OF A BITCH! THESE PEOPLE AGAIN!?”

ON SCREEN WAS A GROUP OF PEOPLE. ALL DRESSED IN OUTFITS RESEMBLING THE OTHERS IN SOME WAY, ESPECIALLY THE RANDOM X’S THAT APPEARED THROUGH THE CLOTHING.

HALF OF THE CREW ABOARD THE ENTERPRISE GROANED SLIGHTLY.

MCCOY CONTINUED BITCHING AT THE PEOPLE UPON THE SCREEN. “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! THE X-MEN? AGAIN?! LAST TIME WE HAD TO DEAL WITH THEM WAS BECAUSE OF…”

STORM SPOKE UP ON THE SCREEN, “PLEASE, DR. MCCOY—“

THE DOCTOR CUT HER OFF. “OH NO. NO. NO. NO. LAST TIME WE DEALT WITH YOU I WAS BUSY IN THE SICK BAY FOR WEEKS TRYING TO PATCH EVERYONE BACK TOGETHER! AND HALF OF THE WOUNDS WERE FROM THAT WOLVERINE GUY—“

“THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE STUPID MEN GOT IN THE WAY!” WOLVERINE SHOVED HIS WAY TO THE FRONT OF THE GROUP, UNSHEATHING HIS CLAWS.

“DON’T YOU—“

“BONES!”

“WOLVERINE!”

BOTH THE LEADERS, KIRK AND CYCLOPS, TOOK ON THEIR ROLLS, STOPPING THE DOCTOR AND MUTANT FROM SAYING ANYTHING MORE.

KIRK PURSED HIS LIPS TOGETHER, TAKING ON HIS CAPTAIN ROLL. “PLEASE, GUYS, CYCLOPS, WHATEVER,” HE TOOK IN A BREATH, PINCHING THE BRIDGE OF HIS NOSE. “PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISN’T BECAUSE OF THE PHOENIX.”

ALL THE X-MEN LOOKED AT EACH OTHER, AND THEN BACK AT THE ENTERPRISE CREW.

CYCLOPS RUBBED THE BACK OF HIS NECK. “UH, WELL—”

KIRK’S FACE PALED SLIGHTLY. “NO. HELL NO. WE ARE NOT DEALING WITH THAT CRAZY FIRE BITCH AGAIN! BESIDES I THOUGHT YOU KILLED HER?”

“SHE COMES BACK.”

“OF COURSE SHE DOES.” THIS WAS MCCOY.

KIRK IGNORED THE COMMENT. “SURE SHE WAS DROP DEAD GORGEOUS, BUT SHE TRIED TO EAT A STAR!”

“WELL, SHE ALREADY HAD ONE STAR…” THAT COMMENT CAME FROM A BLUE ELF THAT KIRK DIDN’T RECOGNIZE.

“NOT THE POINT! SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD AND GONE AND YOU ALL ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY OUT OF SPACE SO WE DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAP ANYMORE!”

“WELL, IT’S NOT OUR FAULT!”

“DEAD SHOULD STAY DEAD!”

“WELL, THIS IS KIND OF DIFFERENT. THE PHOENIX DOESN’T LIKE PLAYING BY NORMAL RULES! AND IT WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED IF WE COULD GET YOUR HEL—“

KIRK IGNORED CYCLOPS NOW, TURNING TO SPOCK. “GET US OUT OF HERE.”

“BUT—“

“GO GET THOSE OTHER GUYS TO HELP YOU. WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES?” KIRK WHISPERED THE LAST PART TO SPOCK BEHIND HIM.

“THE FANTASTIC FOUR, SIR.”

“THE FANTASTIC FOUR! THEY LIKE DEALING WITH CRAZY SPACE CREATURES THAT EAT STARS!”

“GALACTUS EATS PLANETS, SIR.” SPOCK CORRECTED.

“WHATEVER! JUST, WARP SPEED ALREADY!”

BEFORE THE X-MEN COULD OBJECT ANY FURTHER, THE ENTERPRISE WAS GONE ONCE MORE.

MCCOY GAVE OUT A SIGH OF RELIEF. “I HATE THE X-MEN…”

KIRK JUST GRUMBLED AWAY IN HIS CHAIR TO HIMSELF, ALMOST SILENTLY. “DAMN MUTANTS…PHOENIX WAS HOT TOO…INTO THOSE GOLD HEELS….DAMNED WOLVERINE-MAN…CUTTING MY ARM LAST TIME….LASER HIM IN THE FACE…”

THIS IS ABOUT WHEN KIRK NOTICED THE REST OF THE CREW STARING AT HIM.

“DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!” HE SNAPPED, AND THEN TURNED TO CHEKOV, “AND I WANT THAT GAME YOU ARE HIDING FROM ME!”

"OKAY, SCOTTY, BEAM US BACK UP!" MCCOY SPOKE CLEARLY AND QUICKLY, NOT ENJOYING HAVING TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS CURRENT HALF-VULCAN PARTNER THEN HE HAD TO. HE REALLY DIDN'T LIKE THE GUY, THOUGH IF ANYONE ASKED HIM WHY HE'D JUST MUTTER SOMETHING INCOHERENT AND TAKE ANOTHER SWIG FROM HIS BEER, OR WHATEVER FORM OF BOOZE WAS CLOSEST TO HIS HAND AT THE TIME.

LIGHTS FLUTTERED INTO HIS VISION AND HE HEARD A LITTLE VIBRATION. HE GLANCED OVER AT SPOCK STANDING EVER SO STRAIGHT AND PERFECTLY WELL-MANNERED RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, AND THEN THEY BOTH DISAPPEARED.

THE FIRST THING THE GOOD DOCTOR NOTICED WAS THIS WASN'T THE NORMAL DOCK ABOARD THE U.S.S ENTERPRISE. IT WAS BIGGER, MORE COMPUTERS, AND COLORFUL PEOPLE. HE THEN HEARD SCOTTY YELL OUT IN FRUSTRATION "FUCKING HELL IT HAPPENED AGAIN!" FROM HIS COMMUNICATOR, THOUGH THE VOICE WAS VERY FUZZY AND FILLED WITH SO MUCH STATIC MCCOY COULDN'T QUITE MAKE OUT THE FINE DETAILS IN THE TONE OF VOICE, THOUGH HE KNEW BY THE LANGUAGE SOMETHING HAPPENED. THEN WITHIN HIS VISION CAME A RED BLUR, WHICH THEN BECAME A MAN WEARING A RED MASK. THE ONLY THING BONES NOTICED BESIDES THE RED WAS THE GREEN EYES STARING AT HIM IN A QUESTIONING WAY.

"YOU'RE NOT BATMAN!" THE RED-MAN SPOKE UP, GIVING MCCOY A SMIRK, THOUGH HE COULD TELL FROM THE POSE AND BODY THIS GUY WAS READY TO FIGHT HIM IF HE PULLED ANYTHING. WHICH WAS A GOOD THING HE NOTICED, BECAUSE HE FELT HIS FINGERS TWITCH SLIGHTLY, WANTING TO GO FOR HIS PHASER.

"UH, NO. I'M NOT." HE SAID, EYEING THE RED CLAD GUY UP AND DOWN ONCE MORE BEFORE TURNING TO SPOCK.

THE COMMANDER LOOKED SLIGHTLY MORE IRRITATED THAN NORMAL. THE VULCAN LET OUT A SIGH OF BREATH, CLOSING HIS EYES AND MCCOY NOTICED THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF SLUMPED SHOULDERS. THAT'S WHEN THE MASKED MAN TURNED HIS ATTENTION TO SPOCK AND HIS SMIRK TURNED INTO A GRIN.

"OH! I REMEMBER YOU! YOU'RE THAT SPOCK GUY FROM THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED!"

THAT'S WHEN IT FINALLY HIT MCCOY. THIS HAD HAPPENED BEFORE, EXCEPT HE WASN'T THE ONE BEING BEAMED UP. HE WAS SAFELY ABOARD THE ENTERPRISE WHEN SOMEONE CAME INTO THE MEDICAL BAY INFORMING HIM THAT SOMETHING WENT WRONG WHEN SCOTTY TRIED TO BEAM UP SPOCK AND KIRK AND NOW A HAWK-WINGED WOMAN WITH A NASTY LOOKING MACE AND A BIG GUY COVERED IN RED AND BLUE WERE IN THEIR PLACE. EVERYONE WAS CONFUSED, ESPECIALLY THE NEW STRANGERS ABOARD THE SHIP. THE HAWK-WOMAN WAS SO SURPRISED SHE EVEN KNOCKED OUT A NEW ENGINEER. HE WAS IN A COMA FOR A WEEK.

AFTER EVERYONE STOPPED FREAKING OUT, AND HAWK PEOPLE STOPPED SMASHING PEOPLE'S BRAINS IN, THEY ALL FOUND OUT THE STRANGERS WERE NAMED HAWKGIRL AND SUPERMAN (CODE NAMES, MCCOY FIGURED, AND THEN HE FIGURED HAWKGIRL WAS FALSELY NAMED, AS SHE HAD THE CURVES OF SOMEONE MUCH OLDER THAN A GIRL). THEN CAME THE VOICE OF ONE OF THE TWO NEW COMERS TEAMS MATES APPARENTLY ON THEIR COMMUNICATORS.

ALL IN ALL, MCCOY FIGURED OUT THAT HAWKGIRL AND SUPERMAN WERE SUPERHEROES FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION ON A TEAM CALLED THE JUSTICE LEAGUE AND APPARENTLY ALSO HAVE BEAMING TECHNOLOGY ABOARD WHAT THEY CALLED THE HQ. SURPRISINGLY (AND ODDLY) ENOUGH IN BOTH DIMENSIONS AT EXACTLY THE SAME TIME, BOTH THE ENTERPRISE AND THIS HQ WERE TELEPORTING TWO PEOPLE, AND THERE WAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH LOCATION, FREQUENCY, AND THE POSITION OF THE STARS OR SOMETHING THAT MCOY DIDN'T GET (DAMNIT, HE WAS A DOCTOR, NOT A SCIENTIST!) THAT CROSSED THE BEAMS AND TRANSPORTED EACH PAIR INTO THE OTHER DIMENSION. HENCE WHY THEY GOT HAWKGIRL AND SUPERMAN AND THE JUSTICE LEAGUE GOT KIRK AND SPOCK.

AND THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED RIGHT NOW.

"DAMNIT!" HE CURSED, PULLING HIS OWN COMMUNICATOR OUT AND BEGAN SHOUTING THROUGH IT, JUST TO BE SURE THE OTHER LINE COULD HEAR HIM, AS THE COMMUNICATORS DIDN'T WORK WELL IN OTHER DIMENSIONS (THE JUSTICE LEAGUE'S DID HOWEVER, BECAUSE APPARENTLY THIS HAPPENED ALL THE TIME FOR THEM! IT ALL SOUNDED COMPLETELY IDIOTIC AND REALLY ANNOYING TO MCCOY). "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?"

"NO NEED TO RAISE YOUR VOICE, DOCTOR." SPOCK SAID, WAITING PATIENTLY. "THIS WILL ALL BE WORKED OUT SOON."

"YAH, DOC, IT'LL ALL BE OKAY. JUST CHILL OUT!" THE RED MAN SMILED, AND THEN DISAPPEARED IN ANOTHER BLUR.

MCCOY BLINKED, TURNING AGAIN TO SPOCK. HE STILL DIDN'T TWITCH.

"HE'S THE FLASH. HE HAS SUPER SPEED."

"AH."

SOMEWHERE IN THE SATELLITE HE HEARD 'THE FLASH' SHOUT OUT: "HEY MANHUNTER, WONDER WOMAN, IT HAPPENED AGAIN!" AND BEFORE LONG THE ROOM WAS FILLED WITH MORE SUPERHEROES. ONE WAS A GREEN ALIEN, AND THE OTHER A BEAUTIFUL DARK HAIRED WOMAN WITH LEGS THAT MCCOY HAD TO FORCE HIMSELF TO STOP LOOKING AT. SHE WAS DAZZLING, BUT MCCOY HAD A FEELING SHE WOULD PROBABLY HURT HIM IN WAYS HE DIDN'T KNOW POSSIBLE IF SHE CAUGHT HIM STARING.

THE WOMAN, WONDER WOMAN HE ASSUMED, SIGHED, HANDS ON HER HIPS, AS SHE LOOKED JUST AS ANNOYED AS SPOCK. SHE ROLLED HER EYES AND BROUGHT ONE OF THE TEAMS OWN COMMUNICATORS TO HER LIPS. "BATMAN..."

THE VOICE THAT CAME THROUGH ON THE OTHER SIDE WAS CLEAN AND CRISP, AND SOUNDED REALLY, REALLY PISSED. "I KNOW. GET MARTAIN MANHUNTER TO PREPARE THE TELEPORTERS FOR ANOTHER--"

JUST THEN THE VOICE WAS CUT OFF AND REPLACED WITH A MORE FAMILIAR ONE TO MCCOY'S EARS. "WELL HELLO THERE, RAVEN-HAIRED BEAUTY." KIRK.

THE MUSCLES IN WONDER WOMAN'S FACE SPASMED SLIGHTLY AS SHE TRIED TO KEEP HER FEATURES AS CALM AS POSSIBLE. BY THE WAY HER FREE HAND CURLED INTO A FIST, MCCOY COULD TELL SHE WAS MENTALLY POUNDING THE YOUNG CAPTAIN’S FACE IN. APPARENTLY THE TWO MET BEFORE ON THE OTHER MIX-UP, AND IT APPEARED KIRK HAD BEEN HIS NORMAL SELF.

THE FEMALE HERO TOOK A BREATH BEFORE ANSWERING. "YOUNG CAPTAIN, DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU JUST STOLE BATMAN'S COMMUNICATOR?"

MCCOY HEARD KIRK SNICKER ON THE OTHER SIDE. "SO? IF THAT MEANS I GET TO TALK TO YOU THEN--" HIS VOICE STOPPED AND WAS REPLACED BY A YELP AND GROAN OF PAIN, AND THEN A SLIGHT STRUGGLE. "I--NO! BUT--BONES! MAKE SURE YOU--GET A PICTURE OR SOMETHING! MAYBE HER LEGS!--AH! WHAT IS THAT!?--DON'T--GET HER TO POSE FOR--AHH!"

AND THEN HE STOPPED.

THERE WAS A PAUSE FOR A FEW SECONDS BEFORE AN ANSWER CAME, THIS TIME IN THE VOICE OF SUPERMAN. "SORRY ABOUT THAT, WONDER WOMAN. UH...WE SHOULD MAKE THE SWITCH SOON. I THINK YOUNG CAPTAIN KIRK WILL BE NEEDING ASSISTANCE FROM DR. MCCOY VERY SOON..."

THE DOCTOR GROANED, JUST PICTURING THE BLOODY MESS HE HAD TO GO CLEAN UP.

WONDER WOMAN JUST ROLLED HER EYES, MUTTERING QUIETLY "IDIOT."

IN ANOTHER MINUTE OR TWO THE IMAGES OF BATMAN AND SUPERMAN APPEARED ON THE TELEPORTING PLATFORM. SUPERMAN LOOKED SORT OF EMBARRASSED BUT BATMAN LOOKED JUST AS PISSED AS HE SOUNDED OVER THE COMMUNICATOR. AND MCCOY SWORE THAT WAS BLOOD ON THOSE GLOVES. HE GROANED AGAIN. IT WAS GOING TO BE MESSY.

"YES, UH, I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THIS...AND BATMAN'S BEHAVIOR. HE'S IN A FOUL MOOD TODAY. HOPEFULLY WE'LL BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT THIS TELEPORTING TROUBLES SO IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN." THE BUILT BLUE AND RED MAN STEPPED OFF THE PLATFORM, STANDING BESIDE WONDER WOMAN. "MR. SPOCK, DR. MCCOY." SUPERMAN NODDED AT THEM BOTH. "I DO THINK THIS IS WHERE YOU SAY 'BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.'?"

THE LAST THING MCCOY SAW WAS SUPERMAN'S SMILE. HE DIDN'T SMILE. IT WAS THE LAMEST THING HE'D EVER HEARD. PLUS, THE SIGHT BEFORE HIM WHEN HE WAS BACK ON THE ENTERPRISE WASN'T ALL WORTH SMILING OVER.

"WHAT THE HELL, KIRK!?" HE YELLED AT THE BLOODIED FACE THAT GRINNED AT HIM FROM WHERE KIRK WAS LEANING AGAINST THE WALL, CRADLING ONE OF HIS ARMS. "DID YOU NOT SEE HOW SCARY THAT GUY LOOKED?!"

THE CAPTAIN JUST SMILED, WHICH LOOKED PAINFULLY DIFFICULT THANKS TO HIS SWELLING CHEEK. "HEY," KIRK THEN PULLED OUT A VERY SHARP LOOKING BAT-SHAPED BOOMERANG TYPE THING FROM HIS POCKET. "I GOT A SOUVENIR!"

NOW ALL YOU PEOPLE POST SOMETHING DAMNIT! THIS PLACE ISN'T DEAD YET!
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